American Movie

Rated: R
This is a documentary about a Milwaukee hippie-type loser named Mark Borchardt whose life dream is to make movies, in particular one called “Northwestern” which we learn very little about because he keeps focusing on a stupid horror film that he’s also trying to make called “Coven”. Oddly, Mark does not even know how to pronounce Coven (like oven); he insists on pronouncing it Coe-van.

And, as it passes itself off as the making of “Northwestern”, we have to sit through scenes of Mark feeding and bathing his elderly uncle whom he’s duped into funding the film(s), an argument with his ex-wife about the kids and endless other personal, boring events.

Mark thinks he’s hot stuff, talented and smart. His two brothers Alex and Chris think that Mark more fits the mold of a serial killer. I say Mark is just a foul-mouthed moron who likes to hang out with space-cadets and drink vodka.

Why is this at the video rental stores? I don’t know. Why would anyone else want to rent it? I don’t know. I’ve seen college student filmmaking exercises that are better than everything here. Who distributed this garbage and why? I don’t know. Who was stupid enough to purchase it? I won’t say I don’t know — I got it at Hollywood Video. So that’s who’s stupid enough. Who was stupid enough to rent it. Me!

Lotta says: I spit on Mark, his crummy films (including this one which he also made) and I hope he never makes it to Hollywood. The dog can’t piss enough on it for my satisfaction.